Monday, June 27, 2011

The End is The Beginning

My blog. I'm proud of it and I connect with people in a way that would normally be impossible. The whole world is my chatty next-door neighbor. There is an amazing group of creatives out there and it's incredible that I'm now a part of it.

I started out wanting to be creative. Do something I had been denying myself for too long. The normal story of not having enough time to do something that doesn't involve housework, work, or family kept me from paying attention to my own need to create beauty. Paint something, build something, write something. Maybe show it to the world. Then, the creativity dream morphed into something else entirely. I'll explain in my hugely verbose way - stay with me if you have some time.

All my life I've been a rule-follower. Following rules was safe and having a plan meant if something went wrong, it was because the plan was wrong; not me or my ideas. Always doing what's expected with random flashes of rebellion where I allowed myself to go 'off-script'.  During those periods of rebellion, I took chances. There was always a build up to a rebellion; usually a lot of sadness, anger, and a bit of depression. After some time wallowing, I would finally work up the courage to allow myself to do something. What that something was is irrelevant; it was the act of doing something out of my normal M.O. that was the release; my little F-U to the 'world' (the world that didn't care if I did 'it' in the first place.) I was my own worst enemy.

What would happen next was usually a return to my safe, rule-following ways. Go-along-to-get-along was how I lived existed. Most people can see objectively this is not a good way to live one's best life. Existing in my personal bubble of making sure everyone else is taken care of, happy, and doesn't need anything at all...all the while only occasionally doing something for myself. Doing something for myself  became something bad - oy vey! And don't misunderstand - I can stand up for myself and I could be a complete bitch on wheels, but that only happened if there was some gross injustice, not because of the daily wearing down of my spirit.

Soooooo...after much sadness, anger, and a bit of depression, I started letting myself 'be creative'. Full of ideas and plans for becoming an 'artist'. This is what I wanted and I was going to do it dammit.  I started a painting, started a book, started an Etsy shop, a blog, started a whole new life designed to be fulfilling.

What happened was not part of the plan. Chasing blog success became the focus instead of chasing my dreams. The push for followers, to create more and more projects, to write more posts, to read more blogs, to join as many linked parties and other promotional avenues as possible was taking over. I couldn't find the balance, couldn't do it halfway and I lost my creative spark. If I did something, it was somewhat half-hearted and just 'for the blog'. It became work and therefore I've decided the blog will not be my priority for the moment.

I thank each and all of my readers, and I'm not going away. My goal is to continue to find fun, junky things and respect them as-is or upcycle them if they need it. Projects will be captured in photos and shared in posts, hopefully while being entertaining. I'll continue to read and comment on awesome blogs. I can do all that on my own schedule and have fun figuring out what works and what doesn't.


I have this amazing opportunity to do whatever it is that strikes my fancy at any given moment and I will personally smack myself upside the head if I go off on a tangent again.



11 comments:

  1. Girl - I know exactly what you mean and ALL bloggers have been there. Starting out you have all these goals and accomplishments but somewhere the drive turns into crazed unorganized chaos. Starting a bunch of projects but not finishing any...or finishing them just well enough to get the blog pictures and then putting it to the background to truly "finish" at a later date. It is really hard not to fall i nto the game of "keeping up with the Joneses" when it comes to followers and brilliant ideas. You, my friend, have been a great blogger always with interesting projects and your own spin on things...YOU ARE THE JONESES. Make the blog fit into your life not your life fit into the blog and all will be dandy again! :) I too am searching for balance. I gave up the drive for more followers last month and now just focus on finishing the projects I started in the house. We all need a break...especially when the weather is nice out! :) Take care and I will be reading but, seriously, NO PRESSURE!

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  2. Wow - Once I published that I realized how long it was...perhaps an email would have been more appropriate! :)

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  3. This is the second post I have seen in the past hour about taking a break or changing course.

    I have decided that the world will not tilt off it's axis if I don't post regularly or comment on everyone's posts. So I am definitely in your corner. I blog for the love of sharing projects and photos.

    Please keep sharing your projects when you can.

    One problem: if all these people quit blogging as often, what am I going to read in the morning with my coffee? :)

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  4. I know what you mean. I try to blog once a week or when I can.

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  5. Jill I hear you! Blogging has helped me start doing what I really enjoy - coming up with ideas, working with colors, textures, and my hands! Most of my creations are silly but every once in a while I like what I did. And silly for me is good - I need to let loose and laugh! I was always the one that wanted everyone to get along - and sincerely meant that But the "red tape" and all the extra work sort of takes away - makes it seem more like a job rather than a dream. I'm trying to find that special balance. And all I hope is to post one project a week.
    Well, I guess what I am trying to say is that there are lots of bloggers out here blogging for different reasons. I personally love seeing beautiful creations, learning about new things, meeting kind people and just hope that once in a while something I shared puts a smile on somebody's face. That's why, at least for now, there are no ads on my blog.
    Well, I have to say your posts are always wonderful. Your blog is,and always has been, one of my favorites! And remember that you have real fans out there that will always be here - I know I'm not going anywhere!

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  6. oh, it seems like so many people are in the same boat as you are! Did not I post about untangling just a few days ago? Yes. It's all good. What's real is most important at the end of they day. I think people want more time, more human connection. Not to say that the connection in the bloggisphere isn't grand, but it should never be such a priority, unless it is your moeny-maker in which case you will need to spend your normal working hours on it, I pressume. Mine isn't though, so it ends up taking family time. Or painting time. Or something that I could be doing or am always complaining I never get to do.

    I hope you find your balance, but oh, please post more of your creative projects. I for one would be happy with a before and after picture. One day when I have time and want to do something similiar, I will ask you about the how to.

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  7. Bravo! ~ just another turn on the journey ~ we have all been there ~ I like the last quote ~ 'quality not quantity' ~ Have been experiencing an epiphany of a sort myself ~ glad ~ going with the flow ~ and I am learning to stroll ~ have a great day ~ ^_^

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  8. Amen sister. I've got the summer blogging blues. I think in the fall things will be different. Family first, blog second. Summer is too much fun to be sitting at the computer all day. I will keep in touch. Be true to yourself.

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  9. Thanks everyone! I was getting a little bit crazy with this venture and another big project - way too much going on! It's starting to get to the end of the other project, and I'm feeling more energized to get back to my fun stuff. Thanks for being so supportive - you all rock!

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  10. AMEN from Nova Scotia too!! WELL written!

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Thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts! I appreciate each and every one of you!

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